I know this now. I'm working on making these two sides of myself more coherent and I'm learning to recognise the signs where my skill at putting others at ease through my use of humorous self-deprecation becomes merely silly self-sabotage.
I AM independant, loving, lovable and valuable! These are not boasts but truths not just about myself but of everyone I know and love.
We fear to express love because we fear rejection - abandonment and possibly even being made to look foolish and stupid.
That was the greatest damage done to us in the story of the Garden of Eden. When we "knew" our "nakedness", it wasn't just physical shame - it was a deep emotional fear that came over us too - a fear of isolation so intense and all encompassing that the mere thought of being abandoned like that inside that fear was...is like a void so vast and inescapable it feels like it will consume us completely in its inky black, terrifying nothingness.
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